A LETTER TO MYSELF
(Here I will be using you to address myself to give it a more realistic feel)
Dear myself,
Hi, everyday I write diary about my feelings, about my deeds of the day. But today I am going to write a letter to you (myself) not only for the writing competition but also so that after some years down the line, when I will flip the pages of this letter, I can recall what I confessed to myself at that time. Looking myself from a third eye perspective, today I want to pen down all my self reflections which has lead to my self realisation on different aspects. First of all I want to apologise to you (myself) for the injustice I have done with you days after days. I kept my love above my self respect and that’s why tolerated every abuse and insult from my partner. I let you keep taking bullets on your chest with the hope that the one pulling the trigger everytime will one day keep the gun aside and come to put ointment on your wounds. In this regard, a famous quote is coming to my mind “the irony of tragedy is we want to be comforted by the ones who caused us pain”. In this process, I detoriated your mental health and pushed you to that extent until you become exhausted. Such fool I was that I failed to understand that if I can’t keep you (myself) happy, how can I even think of making others happy. I think I am your bigger culprit than him because I am the one who should have hold you tight when no one did. You spent sleepless nights shedding tears in his memories and all I did is to curse you thinking that you have lost him. You became insomniac because of my overthinking. Not only I affected your mental health but also I broke you down physically too. I made you stop taking proper meals, I vanished your appetite which made you lose so much weight and you became weak. At that time my will power should have boosted you up in the way that just like a single sheet of paper can not decide your future, similarly a single person cannot define your life. Honestly I miss you, I miss the old you who used to carry a natural smile on her face always, who used to laugh on her own lame jokes, who used to remain excited for every little things of life. Do you remember once you fell down from your bed by continuously laughing so hard watching a comedy movie, I can’t recall the name exactly. Now that all those memories are flashing in my mind, I can feel I have totally lost that girl in you. I have let down your parents too who kept rooting for you their entire life. In a way I became so selfish in my own world that I didn’t even notice the pain they were going through seeing you suffer like this. For some time I forgot that you have a life of your own, you have your dreams, your aspirantions for which you have worked so hard since childhood. I still remember the zeal you had in your school days that you kept studying so much that you were not even ready to leave a single chapter of any subject. Today I, your very own self promise you to bring back that fighting spirit of yours because I believe it’s still breathing somewhere deep inside you, I just need to somehow ignite it. Life is much bigger than what we think, and if we look at the people living in a country like Syria, we will feel blessed to have this life. Leave other countries, even when I see how people in slum areas of our country are fighting to pass their everyday, it makes me realise that our problems are nothing in comparison to them. We are just dealing with emotional pain, but they are fighting to stay alive, to survive the starvation they are facing. Honestly I want to see you as someone who goes above her own pain and bears the capacity to witness others sufferings too and work for them. Life is a broader concept, don’t make it so narrow by making it only about yourself. Besides, your family, your parents are looking towards you with hopeful eyes that one day, you will bring tears of joy in their eyes. Don’t you want their chest to fill with pride for you? What better gift you can bought yourself than being the reason for your parents’ smile? Work for the day when your parents will be known by your name. And with this, if someone who truly loves you steps in, that will be your bonus. One thing I have learnt overtime that we can’t force anyone to stay in our life no matter how much we love them. You tried every possible way, you even begged but end result flew towards oblivion. So now I believe that whoever is meant for you, you will eventually cross paths with them and you won’t have to struggle so much to keep them in your life. So learn the art of letting go, trust me, as painful as it sounds, it’s equally peaceful once you achieve it. You will set yourself free when you will get out of the cage of attachment with temporary people in your life. But yes I will make sure that I can teach you the process of detachment very smoothly so that you don’t become an emotional fool again by attaching with people too soon. And also my self awareness made me realise that you have anger issues which somehow make you do such things which you regret later. But everybody has a limit right? Even your closest ones will get frustrated of your this pattern and God forbid one day may come when your regret and apologies won’t affect them anymore and you may find them start maintaining distance from you. So before such situations arrive, work on your anger issues, just think about the consequences your words or actions can bring whenever anger hits you. That’s why I have started to make you sit for meditation. It calms the mind and helps the nerves to relax, hope it will be helpful. No more for today, I have spoken my heart out with these few words. I will pray that after many years, when I will read this letter again, I will feel contented to achieve everything I have mentioned here and for that you have to be consistent and keep working. Remember everything happens for a reason and never look back. Believe in yourself and just mark the words that even if no one is standing for you, you stand for yourself and never leave your own hand no matter what. May your self confidence be the driving force towards your destination!
With love,
Your soul.
